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Febhyurary Collection 2023
This was probably the most I've made on writing out promptwise for a single character that wasn't the ask blog, and it was Pepper who's basically been a joke character.
Original was posted to Ao3 under this link, but I locked it because of the AI scraping. I'll probably reopen it once I find out my password again because I forgot.
I forgot what the original prompts were, but I ended up writing instead of taking GPOSES. Reference photo for Pepper here:
You really want to know what the hardest part of trying to explain a story is?
The beginning.
If i had to explain my entire life up to this point, the easiest way to say it would be that one day the world was made, everyone unanimously agreed that was a terrible decision, and everyone has agreed to do everything in their power to make it absolutely miserable for others.
Take my mother, for example!
She’s totally wild.
That’s what i would say if I knew her. But i don’t, so i just think that to myself.
I really should’ve worn something else. The sun is beating down on my face and I decided today would be the best day to wear this coat.
Who am I kidding?
It’s always hot in Ul’dah!
The worst part about everything is that no one’s willing to give you the time of day unless you have enough money. Or are willing to pay them. And i can’t do that all the time! Because I’m broke, you see…
Which leads me to this predicament. While I’m monologuing for time in my head, I need to stop getting myself wrapped up in scenarios like this.
“Hey, hey, calm down. Can’t we talk about this like normal rational people?” I raise up my hands in defense of myself when-no, I get a spear shoved at my face.
I eye the situation. I’m being flanked in a corner by the side of one of the walls— I can never tell if this side is Nald or Thal because they all look the same to me and the masked fellow in front of me would probably be spitting at me if it wasn’t for the fact they’ve got a bandana covering their face. They’re tall enough for a hyur, but sometimes elezen ears can be tiny as hell, so I can’t tell, since the bandana is covering their neck and— oops. Rambling again.
“Payment has been due for weeks.” Yeah, yeah. And I’ll get it! Just as soon as I pay off my other debt. Not my proudest moment, wasting it on a staff that doesn’t even work, but what can I say?
“You’re what?!” Oops. I said that part out loud?
Wait. Which group is this anyways? Red scarves… nah. No way there’s just a bandit group called the red scarves. That’d be stupid.
“Okay, okay, give me a minute to recall…” I press my fingers to my forehead and close my eyes in an attempt to remember… last week was the brass blades, the Qiqirin bandits only show up when I’m trying to get drunk, the red belly bandits are in an entirely different city state… when i got knocked out by the giant cactuar i swore was a regular cactus I’m pretty sure someone else took half my Gil for recompense for getting me back with the aetheryte…
So basically. I’m out of Gil, and i don’t remember why these guys want what little i have. So much for a warm welcome back from vacation.
I evaluate the situation again. A single spear, one pissed off bandit, noting the hair now, and ears… yeah, why did I think she was a Hyur? She’s literally blue.
So now i raise up my arm, one pointing into the air, the other reaching to my pocket. She narrows her eyes at me while I do so. Which one will she focus on more…? It’s my favorite distraction technique.
“Let me tell you what…” She’s looking up! Now it’s time for my favorite technique of all!
I take my other hand out of my pocket and throw sand at her face. While she’s desparately trying to rub it out I go for it. My ultimate technique!
Run like hell!
“Wha-hey! Get back here! This isn’t fair! You’ll rue the day you crossed us!”
As I run further away, I whistle for my chocobo. Ah, ever so loyal.
The bandit screams out her last words as I ride further away.
“I’m telling my boss!”
Hehe. Sayonara!
In which pepper discovers a poster of himself.
02: Job
There’s something quaint about being a mercenary. Sometimes I end up with people who try to scam me for my payment, sometimes I end up scamming people. It’s just the way life works.
I’ve been called despicable, sometimes I’ve even been slapped (even though for that one I had to bend down to get hit because otherwise the pissed off Lalafell would’ve just smacked my legs), and just last week that bandit lady from the red scarves came back and told me I was the scum of the star! Fancy that.
But this might take the cake for the strangest job I’ve had yet. On the adventurer’s guild board, I was looking up hunts when I came across this!
Wanted: Pepper Valentin
Hair color: Blue
Eyes: Purple
Race: Hyur
Ability: Lying.
If seen, report to Sotitte Pruinipaire of *****, capture or kill.
Gil reward: I stopped reading there.
The bandit lady put a hit out on me?!
I’ve got to admire it, at least. I think that Soti (let me shorten her name) would be pissed if I showed up for my own bounty, but I’m not sure what she expected.
Ha, the look on her face will be priceless!
Future Author’s Note: I consider the poster to be a horrid exaggeration like the silver wanted poster from Pokémon Special or the Tales of series wanted posters.
In which a conversation is recalled.
03. Star
There was a sharp CLANG as my sword flew out of my hands. Once again, mock battle went poorly. The one standing above me in victory was the one who also took off her mask as soon as she came to check on me— I think I was the only person who had ever seen those yellow eyes gaze so intently as they checked for wounds. Her silver ears flicking downwards as she handed me a potion— I’d call her concerned, but she’d deny it.
“Looks like you win again, ******!” I say her name. I see her shake her head in denial.
“You are letting me win.” And her tone was still greatly even, betraying no emotions. But I think I saw her smirk.
I scoff. “That’s not the case. The worst part about fighting in the shroud is that the elementals can totally screw you over— and I swear that root wasn’t there before!” To which ****** rolled her eyes.
“Then we go above. Outside of Gridania. I do not like it here.”
“That’s something we can agree on!”
I had to avoid La Nocesa like the plague because my dad was still there and he’d probably be pissed that I ran away like that, so that really only left Coerthas and Ul’dah as places to scurry away to— and the last thing I needed was a repeat of that weird vision in Ul’dah where I thought there were gobbues attacking but it turns out it was nothing. So Coerthas it was.
By the time we had gotten there, night had fallen. My chocobo flopped onto the grass. ****** had already managed to light a fire with some invention. This one was called a lighter. Chances are it was probably made in Garlemald but she wasn’t supposed to have it when she defected, so I shouldn’t point it out.
…if i didn’t say anything now, she wouldn’t speak up for the entire night. She was already settling down by flopping right onto my chocobo, who just gave a tired “wark” and shuffled a bit.
“I’ve heard rumors… saying that the world we live on— it’s round! And a circle that rotates. Can you believe that?” Everywhere I look the map is flat.
“The standard protocol of Garlean education labels it as a sphere. They claim it to be a planet. Not that I should know that.” And just like that, she turned her back to me again. Oof. I’m probably hitting all of the sore spots again.
I just continued laying there. Being alone in a world like this must suck. Everything you knew taken away from you… certainly there must be some common ground between us.
“Did you know that the stars up there have names? They’re supposed to represent the Eorzean Twelve. Like, take the one over Coerthas. That’s supposed to be Halone’s Halls, where all her warriors go to when they fall gloriously in battle.”
“There are no names for the stars in Garlemald. They simply exist.” But I did see her ear flick towards me.
That didn’t deter me. I turned over and grinned next to her. She slightly shuffled over.
“…Do you want to know the rest?”
I think we stayed up until the sun rose with me exchanging stories about the stars. I’ll be honest. Looking up at the stars now, I really did take them for granted.
Future author’s note: If you can figure out what series I took out the last bit from then I’ll be surprised since it’s so niche.
I’ve gone over this character in my ask blog, but I don’t think I should explicitly put some of my answers here…? I’m not sure if that’s allowed.
Here’s where one can tell I wrote this in the Pre-Lily Au ra era.
I'm speedrunning the copy paste process.
04. Fall
“Sometimes I feel like you guys don’t trust me enough to do trust falls.” I complain as I see Lily barely lean over into my arms. “It’s not a thing to worry about! If it’s a height problem, I can assure you I will catch you!” Pen rolls his eyes from where he’s sitting at the table. He’s ruining the mood.
Lily looks over me. I look at her. Her muscles are huge. She towers over me. I look to Pen. Pen claims he’s the tallest lalafell he’s met and it would take at least 5 of him to measure up to Lily. Okay, so maybe doing trust falls with a Hyur and Roegadyn aren’t the best ideas but this feels like it’s more of a personal thing than just assuming I’m weak.
“Do you guys not trust me enough to do trust falls…?” I whine a bit.
Pen scoffs at this as Lily angrily scratched out her notebook.
You made us fall off a cliff!
“Hey, hey, we all fell together!”
Of course we all fell, you shoved us off a waterfall, you daft man!
Yep. I did that! And I completely forgot. Because I think we were immediately attacked by guys afterwards, and a bunch of other crazy things.
“It wasn’t that bad! In fact, I’d say that we’re friends now.”
If it wasn’t for the giant spriggan, we’d all be dead!
Actually, what the hell were you running away from?
My dark and troubling past, getting involved with the brass blades for a heist of a lifetime only to turn coat with all the money for-
Yeah, alright. And that’s that.
Except. I glance down at the glowing crystal in my bag.
That wasn’t everything… was it…
Author’s Notes:
Hey, look, the MSQ verse I haven’t started yet!
Scurries to the next chapter
05. Relax
Here’s my routine when I’m not working.
First, I sleep in late with my chocobo. Usually out in the wilds somewhere. I wander into a town or tavern and buy myself breakfast. Then, i do some odd jobs for Gil. Probably sweeping, or clearing out some monsters, the occasional party trick… the best thing is when I use my magic to warm stuff up or cool things down. Everyone loves that one. I take days off all the time. Even when I’m supposed to be in the middle of work. If it was really that important, the person would’ve gone themselves!
But my favorite area to relax in is in Camp Bronze Lake.
The hot springs really are the most wonderful place… as long as you ignore the shouts from outside. Something about a “giant spider?” Not my problem.
06. Spotlight
For the longest time, I’ve been having a reoccurring dream. Ever since that day, it’s been the same dream. There’s a light shining in front of me. I’m wearing something I’ve never worn before. There’s another man in a black hood in front of me. But I always end up looking behind. There’s others alongside me. One of them grabs my shoulder, and just for a brief moment I think I recognize that face…
Then i wake up. My dreams are irrelevant, and most of the time they’re total nonsense, so I disregard this one like the rest.
At this rate, the only thing I’ll have reuploaded is the entirety of a single month. I swear I had more written down somewhere.
07. Weapon
It’s not really special. Any old staff will do… but it’s what you’re able to do with that staff that makes it special.
You need to have an incredible weapon. You need to have the weapon to channel your incredible powers. You are the weapon. Do you understand that? It doesn’t matter if you have a precious heirloom weapon created by the gods if you flail it around in a tantrum.
Now drop and give me 20!
08. Dance
I don’t understand the dances from the gold saucer. Don’t you feel the slightest bit awkward when you’re doing them?
Buddy, you picked up the manderville dances.
Hey! I’m a manderville man doing whatever I can!
09. Trust
The second hardest part of a story is explaining who your friends are. Outside of that weird group of coworkers I have, there’s not really much. I mean, I guess it’s not every day that a group of adventurers wander into a bar and— oh, there’s that bandit girl again! She looks completely different. Ditched her gear for a waiter outfit.
Her name was… Sottie? Last time I saw her was when I went to get my own bounty and that went awful. I’ve still got sores from where she poked at me with the spear.
She wasn’t as pleased to see me. But if I was behind someone else, then there’s no way she’d be able to call me out! Ha! Trapped by social convention.
“Oh, Sottie! Nice to see you!” Goddammit, Rene! He waved her over to the table. If looks could kill, I’d be burning in hell right now.
Sottie stood at our table while gripping onto the menu. Her hands were shaking as she spoke up. “If I spat in your drink, I know you’d tip me less.” The blue haired elezen grit her teeth as she asked for our orders.
When she left, Rene pulled me over and whispered in my ear. But it’s real awkward when he has to basically bend over to talk to me since Elezen are so tall…
“What did you do to piss her off this time?” He’s always looking out for other people. Or maybe he’s just mad at me too for messing up with his shoddy attempt at a greeting.
I shrug. Everyone’s always pissed off at me. Hard to trust someone who’s as unreliable as I am.
Sottie put down our drinks and yelled out that she was taking a smoke break.
I take a sip.
Hey, she did screw with the drink! She made it nonalcoholic!
Future authors notes: Rene’s a funny fella for working for the military and still explicitly hanging out with bandits.
Short Paragraph Prompts
10. Home
I am a professional wanderer. I have no home. It’s definitely not the one in the lavender beds that Rene lends out to anyone who comes by for rent… how come he got a house? I put like. A million billion into the auction and I lost. I don’t want an apartment though… do you think if I ask nicely that I could get a private island?
Pepper, get out of my house.
11. Minion
Ah, Bella, my favorite little voidsent! i love youuuu! My all seeing eye, my partner in crime! The crime isn’t literal in this case, it’s a phrase! I’m not doing crime!
She eats raw meat, she can hunt for herself, and she makes the perfect sentry as long as you don’t poke her in her one eyeball! She’s the best hat companion a mage could ask for!
12. Past
Did I ever tell you why I ran away, ******? It was because of my mother. Well, nothing she did, but the way we met my dad. As in, me and my sister.
But it was easy to tell I was the odd one out. I had Hyur ears. Everyone always wondered if I was adopted and were always surprised when I said we were twins. Sometimes Sage looked at me and wondered if we were siblings at all. That’s why I left. She told that to our father, bless his heart, but sometimes the cruelest thing is to pretend to be kind. Because the day afterwards, all she did was try to suck up to me. I couldn’t take it. So i left.
See. Now you’re the only one that knows. And I guess you’re the only one that can’t tell either.
Since you’re dead and all.
13. Strength
“Strength comes from the heart!”
What, in a literal or figurative sense? Sometimes I swear that Sage says the first thing that comes to her mind.
And if strength really did come from the heart, I’d be the weakest out of all of us.
I stopped being a bleeding heart ages ago.
14. Valentione’s.
I hate Valentione’s. It’s such a performative act of deciding that today you’re going to be lovey dovey because what? Some lady from years ago dedicated herself to doing the same thing? I think we should have a new holiday.
I’ll call it single’s awareness day, for lonely hearts like me! We’ll eat all the chocolate we want until we get sick!
And then when we get stomachaches… no one will nurse us back. We’ll just be by ourselves!
And I definitely won’t look up and see people being concerned for me. I’m fine, after all!
I’ll never fall in love again!
Making jokes.
15. Dungeon
Adventurers complain about the voidsent in Gridania but like. That’s just their problem. Quite frankly, having so many to use for target practice is great for when I need to feel something in life!
The voidsent. I’m not so depraved as to shoot random adventurers. Haukke Manor has basically been infested by the things, but I’ve heard a rumor that there’s a group of adventurers planning to explore a lost city of another era!
Technically I’m not supposed to be in this sacred place, but if they didn’t want me to come in and bother such ancient grounds they shouldn’t have left the door open!
Not pictured here: Pepper getting owned by the magic doors
oops. Jokes. (16-17)
16? Trial
“Looks like Gilgamesh is blasting off againnnnn!” And with that, the giant launched into the air with a *ting* sound effect.
I turn over to Rene, who is inexplicably wearing bunny ears on top of his suit. I have many questions, but I guess I’ll just start with the first one.
What the hell was any of that?
17. Chaos
“RENE. WE HAVE TO KILL CHAOS.”
“Okay.” Rene rolled over in his bed to look over at Pepper, who inexplicably was wielding a giant great sword and in heavy dark looking armor.
“Do you mean in the literal or figurative sense?”
“YES.” Pepper’s loud voice boomed in his armor.
“Cool, I’ll go set up the duty finder.” Rene pulled his tomestone out from under his pillow.
Queue time: 20 billion minutes
Rene: Okay I’m gonna go piss brb
Queue time: Just kidding it popped right now
Rene: GODAMMIT
“Hey guys,” chaos said.
“CHAOS! WE’RE HERE TO KILL YOU!” The large crowd of adventurers all shouted, Pepper being the loudest, as the group of flip flop wearing beach goers, medieval knights, girls in magitek, and various other fashionistas jumped into the battle.
“AAHHHHHH!” Pepper yelled out his battle cry and used an epic beam of darkness against chaos.
“Ow.” Choas said.
“We did it guys! We defeated chaos!” Rene cheered.
Yayyy! Yayyyy! Everyone clapped.
I woke up.
That was a stupid dream.
Author’s Notes: Minor spelling mistake
Here’s a hint of some OC ancient lore.
18. Mount
Bella! My favorite Ahriman! I’ll turn you into a giant version of yourself as soon as I have the power to! I mean, I guess having a chocobo is nice too, but sometimes I want to strike fear into people!
Actually, having a giant Ahriman is a terrible idea. I’d be chased by spears all over the place.
19. Vacation
My favorite part of the moonfire faire is whenever they bring out the obstacle course and I get to watch people make fools out of themselves trying to climb the entire thing to the top. It’s like trying to reach the stars. Only some can do it.
20. Tribe
The only proof we have of some sort of tribe is that my father says my sister is a keeper of the moon.
“it’s in her eyes! They’re sharper.” He’d always explain. Since he was a seeker of the sun, he instinctively knew.
I look at my sister and think “she’s nothing like me.”
Their tails moved differently when they emoted. Sometimes she’d run around in circles while explaining things. She’d always wonder why my ears were on the side of my head instead of the top of her head like her’s. They looked like a cat’s. She hated when I called her a cat.
I don’t remember a single thing about my mother’s face.
Maybe she really was wild. Not like I’d know since all dad ever tells us is that she abandoned us in a barrel of all things.
21. Eyes
Diana reached her hand out. Even if it was such a broken fragile thing, it should’ve believed her. That was the way life was. It had to be right. They were the sun and moon together, duality, the lyre and the hunt and if it didn’t believe her than what good was she? What good would it be to see in this world where no one saw the way they did?
The thing looked at her with a gaze of pity, and scurried away.
Here’s part of a two parter.
22. Child
“That was awesome, mister!”
“Show the fire again!”
“Okay, okay…” I raise my hands up and a bit of fire is on my finger. The children shriek with delight. Ow, okay, ow. They’re cute. But they sure are loud.
23. Light
The problem with being a thaumaturge is that some people end up screwing up the entire process for everyone else by going way too far with their research and like, blatantly flaunting “look how evil I am for using this magic, wahahaha!” Then they end up getting arrested once it turns out they’ve been turning people into voidsent or experimenting or maybe the third thing in which they literally die from magic burnout.
It’s a real hassle. Conjurers and hearers are outright glaring me down and following me anytime I’m in the south shroud. They even start poking at Bella and trying to shame me. Well, you can’t get me for that, Bella’s a research minion, and literally she only eats my blood. And I’m not there for you either, I’m just there to get drunk at buscarron’s druthers!
Light magic isn’t a thing though. The closest thing we’ve got is White Magic, and that was forbidden too. But if there’s anyone who would embody the trait of being the stereotypical light mage like you find in those cheesy cheap romance novels, it would be Bon.
I don’t understand Bon. On the one hand, he’s basically as tall as Rene, but claims to be the shortest when it comes to Au ri heights but on the other hand he is. So annoying. Every time i go to get drunk he’s also inexplicably there drilling holes into the back of my head staring me down and whenever I ask he just says that he’s “analyzing the scenario.” Like, who speaks like that? But then while he talks all academically, he’s never been to a school and always approaches things like a child would when they’re seeing something up close. I don’t get how someone can be one of the most powerful healers I know and yet so hopelessly naive. I guess in a way he’s innocently lighthearted?
Hey, did you know 2024 is a leap year and 2023 wasn't? That's because there's no prompt 29.
The homestretch.
24. Darkness
I don’t understand Pepper. He has all the potential to do better in the world and yet he. Squanders? Wastes?
He is misusing his time and powers. I know this. My assessment of him proves to be infallible whenever he visits the South Shroud, which I frequent as part of my work in exploring the Gelmorran ruins which were transformed.
I was once afraid that Pepper would fall to emotional vices when seeing and being tempted by a black mask. But thankfully I was proven wrong when he told them abruptly to “buzz off” and attempted to electrocute them.
Hey, wait a moment. That was a thundara. I knew he was practicing forbidden spells!
Oh, when I see him I will tell him I am very displeased.
Single Sentence batches
25. Fashion
In my free time, when I’m not being a magician, did I mention I’m a crafter? Yep, taught by Rendolent Rose, even! Then I take my wares to the marketplace… those clothes people wear could’ve been the ones I made. And you know what? Some of those are made out of spider silk! That’s incredible, right? I love that it’s so fashionable even if people are grossed out when I tell them what their favorite clothes are made of.
26. Travel
The Eorzea alliance all went out to liberate ala Mhigo from Garlean forces, but now I’m hearing through reports that a good chunk of them went over to Doma as well…? Maybe it’s for the best that I stayed in Ul’dah working this side job to defend from here. I don’t do well with sea travel, I would’ve been sick the entire time.
…the last time I traveled seriously was with someone else entirely. And they fought for their life and died anyways. But they’re fighting for their life over there, aren’t they…?
Compared to them, I’m just being a coward. The best excuse I could come up with was being seasick.
27. Miracle
I don’t believe in miracles. If miracles were real, she’d still be alive.
In which a party is held.
When others look up during the rising, on the anniversary of the calamity, I wonder what they see? Do the skies still hold the same feeling for them? People celebrate in their own unique ways their lives. I’ve been sitting on this fence watching fireworks go off and feeling nothing. The sound sounds too much like the explosions.
I didn’t say it, did I…? I was looking for my friend in the epicenter of that battle. There were others alongside me. They’re all gone now. Here I am, watching from afar, as others truly are merry. I can’t help but feel-
“Pepper?” Oh, that’s …Pen, I believe? And there’s another lalafell with him. Beet, right? That’s the merchant woman who’s always pissed off at me for some reason. She looks concerned.
“Have you just been sitting on this balcony by yourself?” I nod my head.
“That won’t do at all. Come on, you’re not going to sit here all by your lonesome. Lily’s been playing triple triad at the quicksands and trouncing everyone there! She’s got a huge streak. You want to break it?” Pen holds out his hand.
I wouldn’t miss the chance mess with people, but today’s different. Today is the day that Winter died, after all. Beet also holds out her hand.
“You don’t have to say anything. You can just sit and watch. Better than being here alone, right? You’re not alone at all.”
I stare for a while. But at some point, emotion triumphs over logic, so I take both their hands.
Original was posted to Ao3 under this link, but I locked it because of the AI scraping. I'll probably reopen it once I find out my password again because I forgot.
I forgot what the original prompts were, but I ended up writing instead of taking GPOSES. Reference photo for Pepper here:
You really want to know what the hardest part of trying to explain a story is?
The beginning.
If i had to explain my entire life up to this point, the easiest way to say it would be that one day the world was made, everyone unanimously agreed that was a terrible decision, and everyone has agreed to do everything in their power to make it absolutely miserable for others.
Take my mother, for example!
She’s totally wild.
That’s what i would say if I knew her. But i don’t, so i just think that to myself.
I really should’ve worn something else. The sun is beating down on my face and I decided today would be the best day to wear this coat.
Who am I kidding?
It’s always hot in Ul’dah!
The worst part about everything is that no one’s willing to give you the time of day unless you have enough money. Or are willing to pay them. And i can’t do that all the time! Because I’m broke, you see…
Which leads me to this predicament. While I’m monologuing for time in my head, I need to stop getting myself wrapped up in scenarios like this.
“Hey, hey, calm down. Can’t we talk about this like normal rational people?” I raise up my hands in defense of myself when-no, I get a spear shoved at my face.
I eye the situation. I’m being flanked in a corner by the side of one of the walls— I can never tell if this side is Nald or Thal because they all look the same to me and the masked fellow in front of me would probably be spitting at me if it wasn’t for the fact they’ve got a bandana covering their face. They’re tall enough for a hyur, but sometimes elezen ears can be tiny as hell, so I can’t tell, since the bandana is covering their neck and— oops. Rambling again.
“Payment has been due for weeks.” Yeah, yeah. And I’ll get it! Just as soon as I pay off my other debt. Not my proudest moment, wasting it on a staff that doesn’t even work, but what can I say?
“You’re what?!” Oops. I said that part out loud?
Wait. Which group is this anyways? Red scarves… nah. No way there’s just a bandit group called the red scarves. That’d be stupid.
“Okay, okay, give me a minute to recall…” I press my fingers to my forehead and close my eyes in an attempt to remember… last week was the brass blades, the Qiqirin bandits only show up when I’m trying to get drunk, the red belly bandits are in an entirely different city state… when i got knocked out by the giant cactuar i swore was a regular cactus I’m pretty sure someone else took half my Gil for recompense for getting me back with the aetheryte…
So basically. I’m out of Gil, and i don’t remember why these guys want what little i have. So much for a warm welcome back from vacation.
I evaluate the situation again. A single spear, one pissed off bandit, noting the hair now, and ears… yeah, why did I think she was a Hyur? She’s literally blue.
So now i raise up my arm, one pointing into the air, the other reaching to my pocket. She narrows her eyes at me while I do so. Which one will she focus on more…? It’s my favorite distraction technique.
“Let me tell you what…” She’s looking up! Now it’s time for my favorite technique of all!
I take my other hand out of my pocket and throw sand at her face. While she’s desparately trying to rub it out I go for it. My ultimate technique!
Run like hell!
“Wha-hey! Get back here! This isn’t fair! You’ll rue the day you crossed us!”
As I run further away, I whistle for my chocobo. Ah, ever so loyal.
The bandit screams out her last words as I ride further away.
“I’m telling my boss!”
Hehe. Sayonara!
In which pepper discovers a poster of himself.
02: Job
There’s something quaint about being a mercenary. Sometimes I end up with people who try to scam me for my payment, sometimes I end up scamming people. It’s just the way life works.
I’ve been called despicable, sometimes I’ve even been slapped (even though for that one I had to bend down to get hit because otherwise the pissed off Lalafell would’ve just smacked my legs), and just last week that bandit lady from the red scarves came back and told me I was the scum of the star! Fancy that.
But this might take the cake for the strangest job I’ve had yet. On the adventurer’s guild board, I was looking up hunts when I came across this!
Wanted: Pepper Valentin
Hair color: Blue
Eyes: Purple
Race: Hyur
Ability: Lying.
If seen, report to Sotitte Pruinipaire of *****, capture or kill.
Gil reward: I stopped reading there.
The bandit lady put a hit out on me?!
I’ve got to admire it, at least. I think that Soti (let me shorten her name) would be pissed if I showed up for my own bounty, but I’m not sure what she expected.
Ha, the look on her face will be priceless!
Future Author’s Note: I consider the poster to be a horrid exaggeration like the silver wanted poster from Pokémon Special or the Tales of series wanted posters.
In which a conversation is recalled.
03. Star
There was a sharp CLANG as my sword flew out of my hands. Once again, mock battle went poorly. The one standing above me in victory was the one who also took off her mask as soon as she came to check on me— I think I was the only person who had ever seen those yellow eyes gaze so intently as they checked for wounds. Her silver ears flicking downwards as she handed me a potion— I’d call her concerned, but she’d deny it.
“Looks like you win again, ******!” I say her name. I see her shake her head in denial.
“You are letting me win.” And her tone was still greatly even, betraying no emotions. But I think I saw her smirk.
I scoff. “That’s not the case. The worst part about fighting in the shroud is that the elementals can totally screw you over— and I swear that root wasn’t there before!” To which ****** rolled her eyes.
“Then we go above. Outside of Gridania. I do not like it here.”
“That’s something we can agree on!”
I had to avoid La Nocesa like the plague because my dad was still there and he’d probably be pissed that I ran away like that, so that really only left Coerthas and Ul’dah as places to scurry away to— and the last thing I needed was a repeat of that weird vision in Ul’dah where I thought there were gobbues attacking but it turns out it was nothing. So Coerthas it was.
By the time we had gotten there, night had fallen. My chocobo flopped onto the grass. ****** had already managed to light a fire with some invention. This one was called a lighter. Chances are it was probably made in Garlemald but she wasn’t supposed to have it when she defected, so I shouldn’t point it out.
…if i didn’t say anything now, she wouldn’t speak up for the entire night. She was already settling down by flopping right onto my chocobo, who just gave a tired “wark” and shuffled a bit.
“I’ve heard rumors… saying that the world we live on— it’s round! And a circle that rotates. Can you believe that?” Everywhere I look the map is flat.
“The standard protocol of Garlean education labels it as a sphere. They claim it to be a planet. Not that I should know that.” And just like that, she turned her back to me again. Oof. I’m probably hitting all of the sore spots again.
I just continued laying there. Being alone in a world like this must suck. Everything you knew taken away from you… certainly there must be some common ground between us.
“Did you know that the stars up there have names? They’re supposed to represent the Eorzean Twelve. Like, take the one over Coerthas. That’s supposed to be Halone’s Halls, where all her warriors go to when they fall gloriously in battle.”
“There are no names for the stars in Garlemald. They simply exist.” But I did see her ear flick towards me.
That didn’t deter me. I turned over and grinned next to her. She slightly shuffled over.
“…Do you want to know the rest?”
I think we stayed up until the sun rose with me exchanging stories about the stars. I’ll be honest. Looking up at the stars now, I really did take them for granted.
Future author’s note: If you can figure out what series I took out the last bit from then I’ll be surprised since it’s so niche.
I’ve gone over this character in my ask blog, but I don’t think I should explicitly put some of my answers here…? I’m not sure if that’s allowed.
Here’s where one can tell I wrote this in the Pre-Lily Au ra era.
I'm speedrunning the copy paste process.
04. Fall
“Sometimes I feel like you guys don’t trust me enough to do trust falls.” I complain as I see Lily barely lean over into my arms. “It’s not a thing to worry about! If it’s a height problem, I can assure you I will catch you!” Pen rolls his eyes from where he’s sitting at the table. He’s ruining the mood.
Lily looks over me. I look at her. Her muscles are huge. She towers over me. I look to Pen. Pen claims he’s the tallest lalafell he’s met and it would take at least 5 of him to measure up to Lily. Okay, so maybe doing trust falls with a Hyur and Roegadyn aren’t the best ideas but this feels like it’s more of a personal thing than just assuming I’m weak.
“Do you guys not trust me enough to do trust falls…?” I whine a bit.
Pen scoffs at this as Lily angrily scratched out her notebook.
You made us fall off a cliff!
“Hey, hey, we all fell together!”
Of course we all fell, you shoved us off a waterfall, you daft man!
Yep. I did that! And I completely forgot. Because I think we were immediately attacked by guys afterwards, and a bunch of other crazy things.
“It wasn’t that bad! In fact, I’d say that we’re friends now.”
If it wasn’t for the giant spriggan, we’d all be dead!
Actually, what the hell were you running away from?
My dark and troubling past, getting involved with the brass blades for a heist of a lifetime only to turn coat with all the money for-
Yeah, alright. And that’s that.
Except. I glance down at the glowing crystal in my bag.
That wasn’t everything… was it…
Author’s Notes:
Hey, look, the MSQ verse I haven’t started yet!
Scurries to the next chapter
05. Relax
Here’s my routine when I’m not working.
First, I sleep in late with my chocobo. Usually out in the wilds somewhere. I wander into a town or tavern and buy myself breakfast. Then, i do some odd jobs for Gil. Probably sweeping, or clearing out some monsters, the occasional party trick… the best thing is when I use my magic to warm stuff up or cool things down. Everyone loves that one. I take days off all the time. Even when I’m supposed to be in the middle of work. If it was really that important, the person would’ve gone themselves!
But my favorite area to relax in is in Camp Bronze Lake.
The hot springs really are the most wonderful place… as long as you ignore the shouts from outside. Something about a “giant spider?” Not my problem.
06. Spotlight
For the longest time, I’ve been having a reoccurring dream. Ever since that day, it’s been the same dream. There’s a light shining in front of me. I’m wearing something I’ve never worn before. There’s another man in a black hood in front of me. But I always end up looking behind. There’s others alongside me. One of them grabs my shoulder, and just for a brief moment I think I recognize that face…
Then i wake up. My dreams are irrelevant, and most of the time they’re total nonsense, so I disregard this one like the rest.
At this rate, the only thing I’ll have reuploaded is the entirety of a single month. I swear I had more written down somewhere.
07. Weapon
It’s not really special. Any old staff will do… but it’s what you’re able to do with that staff that makes it special.
You need to have an incredible weapon. You need to have the weapon to channel your incredible powers. You are the weapon. Do you understand that? It doesn’t matter if you have a precious heirloom weapon created by the gods if you flail it around in a tantrum.
Now drop and give me 20!
08. Dance
I don’t understand the dances from the gold saucer. Don’t you feel the slightest bit awkward when you’re doing them?
Buddy, you picked up the manderville dances.
Hey! I’m a manderville man doing whatever I can!
09. Trust
The second hardest part of a story is explaining who your friends are. Outside of that weird group of coworkers I have, there’s not really much. I mean, I guess it’s not every day that a group of adventurers wander into a bar and— oh, there’s that bandit girl again! She looks completely different. Ditched her gear for a waiter outfit.
Her name was… Sottie? Last time I saw her was when I went to get my own bounty and that went awful. I’ve still got sores from where she poked at me with the spear.
She wasn’t as pleased to see me. But if I was behind someone else, then there’s no way she’d be able to call me out! Ha! Trapped by social convention.
“Oh, Sottie! Nice to see you!” Goddammit, Rene! He waved her over to the table. If looks could kill, I’d be burning in hell right now.
Sottie stood at our table while gripping onto the menu. Her hands were shaking as she spoke up. “If I spat in your drink, I know you’d tip me less.” The blue haired elezen grit her teeth as she asked for our orders.
When she left, Rene pulled me over and whispered in my ear. But it’s real awkward when he has to basically bend over to talk to me since Elezen are so tall…
“What did you do to piss her off this time?” He’s always looking out for other people. Or maybe he’s just mad at me too for messing up with his shoddy attempt at a greeting.
I shrug. Everyone’s always pissed off at me. Hard to trust someone who’s as unreliable as I am.
Sottie put down our drinks and yelled out that she was taking a smoke break.
I take a sip.
Hey, she did screw with the drink! She made it nonalcoholic!
Future authors notes: Rene’s a funny fella for working for the military and still explicitly hanging out with bandits.
Short Paragraph Prompts
10. Home
I am a professional wanderer. I have no home. It’s definitely not the one in the lavender beds that Rene lends out to anyone who comes by for rent… how come he got a house? I put like. A million billion into the auction and I lost. I don’t want an apartment though… do you think if I ask nicely that I could get a private island?
Pepper, get out of my house.
11. Minion
Ah, Bella, my favorite little voidsent! i love youuuu! My all seeing eye, my partner in crime! The crime isn’t literal in this case, it’s a phrase! I’m not doing crime!
She eats raw meat, she can hunt for herself, and she makes the perfect sentry as long as you don’t poke her in her one eyeball! She’s the best hat companion a mage could ask for!
12. Past
Did I ever tell you why I ran away, ******? It was because of my mother. Well, nothing she did, but the way we met my dad. As in, me and my sister.
But it was easy to tell I was the odd one out. I had Hyur ears. Everyone always wondered if I was adopted and were always surprised when I said we were twins. Sometimes Sage looked at me and wondered if we were siblings at all. That’s why I left. She told that to our father, bless his heart, but sometimes the cruelest thing is to pretend to be kind. Because the day afterwards, all she did was try to suck up to me. I couldn’t take it. So i left.
See. Now you’re the only one that knows. And I guess you’re the only one that can’t tell either.
Since you’re dead and all.
13. Strength
“Strength comes from the heart!”
What, in a literal or figurative sense? Sometimes I swear that Sage says the first thing that comes to her mind.
And if strength really did come from the heart, I’d be the weakest out of all of us.
I stopped being a bleeding heart ages ago.
14. Valentione’s.
I hate Valentione’s. It’s such a performative act of deciding that today you’re going to be lovey dovey because what? Some lady from years ago dedicated herself to doing the same thing? I think we should have a new holiday.
I’ll call it single’s awareness day, for lonely hearts like me! We’ll eat all the chocolate we want until we get sick!
And then when we get stomachaches… no one will nurse us back. We’ll just be by ourselves!
And I definitely won’t look up and see people being concerned for me. I’m fine, after all!
I’ll never fall in love again!
Making jokes.
15. Dungeon
Adventurers complain about the voidsent in Gridania but like. That’s just their problem. Quite frankly, having so many to use for target practice is great for when I need to feel something in life!
The voidsent. I’m not so depraved as to shoot random adventurers. Haukke Manor has basically been infested by the things, but I’ve heard a rumor that there’s a group of adventurers planning to explore a lost city of another era!
Technically I’m not supposed to be in this sacred place, but if they didn’t want me to come in and bother such ancient grounds they shouldn’t have left the door open!
Not pictured here: Pepper getting owned by the magic doors
oops. Jokes. (16-17)
16? Trial
“Looks like Gilgamesh is blasting off againnnnn!” And with that, the giant launched into the air with a *ting* sound effect.
I turn over to Rene, who is inexplicably wearing bunny ears on top of his suit. I have many questions, but I guess I’ll just start with the first one.
What the hell was any of that?
17. Chaos
“RENE. WE HAVE TO KILL CHAOS.”
“Okay.” Rene rolled over in his bed to look over at Pepper, who inexplicably was wielding a giant great sword and in heavy dark looking armor.
“Do you mean in the literal or figurative sense?”
“YES.” Pepper’s loud voice boomed in his armor.
“Cool, I’ll go set up the duty finder.” Rene pulled his tomestone out from under his pillow.
Queue time: 20 billion minutes
Rene: Okay I’m gonna go piss brb
Queue time: Just kidding it popped right now
Rene: GODAMMIT
“Hey guys,” chaos said.
“CHAOS! WE’RE HERE TO KILL YOU!” The large crowd of adventurers all shouted, Pepper being the loudest, as the group of flip flop wearing beach goers, medieval knights, girls in magitek, and various other fashionistas jumped into the battle.
“AAHHHHHH!” Pepper yelled out his battle cry and used an epic beam of darkness against chaos.
“Ow.” Choas said.
“We did it guys! We defeated chaos!” Rene cheered.
Yayyy! Yayyyy! Everyone clapped.
I woke up.
That was a stupid dream.
Author’s Notes: Minor spelling mistake
Here’s a hint of some OC ancient lore.
18. Mount
Bella! My favorite Ahriman! I’ll turn you into a giant version of yourself as soon as I have the power to! I mean, I guess having a chocobo is nice too, but sometimes I want to strike fear into people!
Actually, having a giant Ahriman is a terrible idea. I’d be chased by spears all over the place.
19. Vacation
My favorite part of the moonfire faire is whenever they bring out the obstacle course and I get to watch people make fools out of themselves trying to climb the entire thing to the top. It’s like trying to reach the stars. Only some can do it.
20. Tribe
The only proof we have of some sort of tribe is that my father says my sister is a keeper of the moon.
“it’s in her eyes! They’re sharper.” He’d always explain. Since he was a seeker of the sun, he instinctively knew.
I look at my sister and think “she’s nothing like me.”
Their tails moved differently when they emoted. Sometimes she’d run around in circles while explaining things. She’d always wonder why my ears were on the side of my head instead of the top of her head like her’s. They looked like a cat’s. She hated when I called her a cat.
I don’t remember a single thing about my mother’s face.
Maybe she really was wild. Not like I’d know since all dad ever tells us is that she abandoned us in a barrel of all things.
21. Eyes
Diana reached her hand out. Even if it was such a broken fragile thing, it should’ve believed her. That was the way life was. It had to be right. They were the sun and moon together, duality, the lyre and the hunt and if it didn’t believe her than what good was she? What good would it be to see in this world where no one saw the way they did?
The thing looked at her with a gaze of pity, and scurried away.
Here’s part of a two parter.
22. Child
“That was awesome, mister!”
“Show the fire again!”
“Okay, okay…” I raise my hands up and a bit of fire is on my finger. The children shriek with delight. Ow, okay, ow. They’re cute. But they sure are loud.
23. Light
The problem with being a thaumaturge is that some people end up screwing up the entire process for everyone else by going way too far with their research and like, blatantly flaunting “look how evil I am for using this magic, wahahaha!” Then they end up getting arrested once it turns out they’ve been turning people into voidsent or experimenting or maybe the third thing in which they literally die from magic burnout.
It’s a real hassle. Conjurers and hearers are outright glaring me down and following me anytime I’m in the south shroud. They even start poking at Bella and trying to shame me. Well, you can’t get me for that, Bella’s a research minion, and literally she only eats my blood. And I’m not there for you either, I’m just there to get drunk at buscarron’s druthers!
Light magic isn’t a thing though. The closest thing we’ve got is White Magic, and that was forbidden too. But if there’s anyone who would embody the trait of being the stereotypical light mage like you find in those cheesy cheap romance novels, it would be Bon.
I don’t understand Bon. On the one hand, he’s basically as tall as Rene, but claims to be the shortest when it comes to Au ri heights but on the other hand he is. So annoying. Every time i go to get drunk he’s also inexplicably there drilling holes into the back of my head staring me down and whenever I ask he just says that he’s “analyzing the scenario.” Like, who speaks like that? But then while he talks all academically, he’s never been to a school and always approaches things like a child would when they’re seeing something up close. I don’t get how someone can be one of the most powerful healers I know and yet so hopelessly naive. I guess in a way he’s innocently lighthearted?
Hey, did you know 2024 is a leap year and 2023 wasn't? That's because there's no prompt 29.
The homestretch.
24. Darkness
I don’t understand Pepper. He has all the potential to do better in the world and yet he. Squanders? Wastes?
He is misusing his time and powers. I know this. My assessment of him proves to be infallible whenever he visits the South Shroud, which I frequent as part of my work in exploring the Gelmorran ruins which were transformed.
I was once afraid that Pepper would fall to emotional vices when seeing and being tempted by a black mask. But thankfully I was proven wrong when he told them abruptly to “buzz off” and attempted to electrocute them.
Hey, wait a moment. That was a thundara. I knew he was practicing forbidden spells!
Oh, when I see him I will tell him I am very displeased.
Single Sentence batches
25. Fashion
In my free time, when I’m not being a magician, did I mention I’m a crafter? Yep, taught by Rendolent Rose, even! Then I take my wares to the marketplace… those clothes people wear could’ve been the ones I made. And you know what? Some of those are made out of spider silk! That’s incredible, right? I love that it’s so fashionable even if people are grossed out when I tell them what their favorite clothes are made of.
26. Travel
The Eorzea alliance all went out to liberate ala Mhigo from Garlean forces, but now I’m hearing through reports that a good chunk of them went over to Doma as well…? Maybe it’s for the best that I stayed in Ul’dah working this side job to defend from here. I don’t do well with sea travel, I would’ve been sick the entire time.
…the last time I traveled seriously was with someone else entirely. And they fought for their life and died anyways. But they’re fighting for their life over there, aren’t they…?
Compared to them, I’m just being a coward. The best excuse I could come up with was being seasick.
27. Miracle
I don’t believe in miracles. If miracles were real, she’d still be alive.
In which a party is held.
When others look up during the rising, on the anniversary of the calamity, I wonder what they see? Do the skies still hold the same feeling for them? People celebrate in their own unique ways their lives. I’ve been sitting on this fence watching fireworks go off and feeling nothing. The sound sounds too much like the explosions.
I didn’t say it, did I…? I was looking for my friend in the epicenter of that battle. There were others alongside me. They’re all gone now. Here I am, watching from afar, as others truly are merry. I can’t help but feel-
“Pepper?” Oh, that’s …Pen, I believe? And there’s another lalafell with him. Beet, right? That’s the merchant woman who’s always pissed off at me for some reason. She looks concerned.
“Have you just been sitting on this balcony by yourself?” I nod my head.
“That won’t do at all. Come on, you’re not going to sit here all by your lonesome. Lily’s been playing triple triad at the quicksands and trouncing everyone there! She’s got a huge streak. You want to break it?” Pen holds out his hand.
I wouldn’t miss the chance mess with people, but today’s different. Today is the day that Winter died, after all. Beet also holds out her hand.
“You don’t have to say anything. You can just sit and watch. Better than being here alone, right? You’re not alone at all.”
I stare for a while. But at some point, emotion triumphs over logic, so I take both their hands.